Inspired by Hank at Brotherhood 2.0 and my need to lighten up today.
1. First time I ever led a group singing some songs together and playing guitar. I totally rocked and after it was done and everyone was getting up and leaving a friend came up to me. As he was walking toward me I was thinking, “wow, he must’ve thought I was really good, he’s gonna tell me how amazing I played…”. When he finally got to me he said, “Hey, you did a really good job…” and leaning in very close to me, uncomfortably close to me, he whispered, “…I thought you’d want to know your fly is wide open.” It was. For a while. This happened at church.
2. In my first squatty potty in a crowded washroom in a rest area in southern China. Me plaintively crying out to my friend Gordon for help, to go back to our bus and fetch my role of TP. Nobody in the washroom understood me but it was a total ‘walk of shame’ back out to the bus with my much smaller roll of TP in hand. Waking up with him spooning me in our Hong Kong hotel room was potentially embarrassing as well but no one saw it (and it was strangely comforting…).
3. My first date with the elusive Donna. I was totally trying to impress her and managed to do the following things wrong that night:
A) took her over the state line, creating some anxiety for her.
B) arrived at the restaurant that was located in the Spring River Inn, so when we pulled up all she knew was that I’d taken her to a motel. Again, creating some anxiety.
C) on leaving the restaurant I pulled out of the parking lot onto the wrong side of a divided highway and we were promptly headlight to headlight with oncoming traffic (which was thankfully thin). And once again, anxiety ensued.
(I suppose the important back story here is that the first time we met was when my roommate Tim and I met a couple girls from her dorm to play the stupidest game in the world called “the Ungame”. If you are ever invited to play this game, run. Don’t look back.
They brought Donna along, the new girl on campus, and she joined us in this stupid game of asking questions. My turn came and my question was, “what will you expect from a wife?” I was so unhappy with this game (which was not a game, RISK is a game, this was a group therapy nightmare) that my slightly sarcastic personality came out and I answered, “I’ll keep her barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen…” I hoped an answer like that would end the ungame, but no. However, I did manage to scare Donna.
It took several weeks for me to convince her to go out with me. And a lot of pleading. It’s hard to plead and look cool. So A-C above, in that context, it was a tense first date and my final attempt to be cool was pretty much a wash.)
—edited to add #4—-
4. The Rubik’s Cube incedent. There was a time when Rubik’s Cube Fever swept the nation. I don’t know why but I hated the Cube. Hated. Just before Christmas my mom was talking to me and my brother and casually brings up the Cube in convesation. I launched into a rant about how stupid the cube was. It was one of those rants where I got a little foam in the corners of my mouth, brow furrowed, face red. Looking back I really can’t explain why I had such a pure hatred of the Cube, but I did. Maybe it was my geometry phobia. I finished the rant, wiped my mouth and the conversation was over.
Christmas day. I open a small, square, cube shaped package. “I’d already bought it.” my Mom said. I wanted to die, right there, right then.