Top 5 Things I’ve Discovered My Mom Lied About

O.K., it was more mis-leading than lying but still…Here’s the top 5 (out of like, 6).

1. My eyes DID NOT stay like that just because someone hit me on the back between my shoulder blades.

2. I have gone swimming less than 30 minutes after eating and I DID NOT die or even get a cramp.

3. Girls DO NOT prefer a guy with a sense of humour over a really good looking guy.

4. Thunder IS NOT the sound of angels bowling in heaven.

5. I’m pretty sure that getting spanked DID hurt me more than it hurt you. (Except for that time you cried and cried because the yard stick broke on Brad’s butt and you decided to never spank us again.)

And now we’ll see if she was lying about that sense of humour…Happy Mother’s Day Mom!

I’m posting this as part of a contest hosted by problogger. Check it out!

If you’ve discovered anything that your mom lied to you about, post it below!

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About brianmpei

Stumbling towards what comes next.
This entry was posted in Life, Lists, Meaning, Rambling. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to Top 5 Things I’ve Discovered My Mom Lied About

  1. sweetlybroken says:

    too much fun! Here’s my top 5.
    1. baby bumps are caused by swallowing water melon seeds
    2. my hair will spontaniously combust if I grab hold of the electrified fence
    3. mascara makes your eyelashes fall out
    4. chocolate milk comes from brown cows
    5. (my fav) kissing a boy makes your lips swell
    make a mental picture of how this all would look, enjoy the laugh.

  2. shelleyperry says:

    first of all I would choose a good sense of humor over good-looking anyday, because a good sense of humor MAKES you good-looking.

    I think the lie about santa clause, the easter bunny, and the tooth fairy traumatized me the most…thanks mom.

  3. 1. Drinking coffee DID NOT stunt my growth. In fact, caffeine pumped up my hormones and I grew over a foot taller after I started drinking coffee.

    2. Going out with my friends to drink a few beer just because they were did not lead me to a bridge and a mass suicidal jumping. (If your friends all jumped of a bridge, would you?) She believed that, I think.

    3. Paradise was more like a desert than a tropical island. I don’t expect anyone to understand that, but I grew up believing something was something it was not…if that makes any sense.

    4. Beavis and Butt-Head DID NOT corrupt my youth.

    5. A lot like Brian’s #3, girls look deeper than the surface.

    Maybe I forgot a lot of things, but trying to come up with five points for this list was nearly imposable.

  4. alicia says:

    Haha, great list. But I disagree with #3. A girl with any sense will choose a sense of humor over looks any day.

  5. fossadesigns says:

    Hehe. Nice list. A couple of mine (how’d you think of 5?!):
    – Cutting my hair did not make people think I was a boy.
    – Sometimes it’s okay to stay home and read a book.

    And I’m with ShelleyPerry. Humor makes people good looking!

    Maile

  6. Simonne says:

    Ha, ha! My mom told me that I’ll die electrocuted if I get in touch with metal when lightning. I remember once I stayed in front of the entrance door for about one hour, as I was a thunder storm and I did not know when to touch the handle between two lightnings. Good luck with the contest!

  7. Buda Baby says:

    I can’t believe someone else’s mom said you can get pregnant from swallowing watermelon seeds!

    And I have to agree with the previous posters on sense of humor over looks. Perhaps this explains my thing for Jack Black??

  8. Nancy says:

    Actually, you forgot a few, Your face may freeze if you are making an ugly face at your little brother for one; if you play with fire you will pee the bed; shaving the hair on your face makes it grow in thicker; Mother’s have eyes in the backs of their heads.

    The truth is a sense of humor will take you a long way, and people will like you.

  9. brianmpei says:

    Nancy, Mommy, You’re brilliant! But it turns out the playing with fire thing was true.

    Alicia: my wife clearly has good sense.

    Buda: I think it’s the only way to make me understand Jack’s appeal to women. and I must confess I’m strangely attracted to him as well!

  10. shelleyperry says:

    yeah, I also kind of have a thing for Jack Black

  11. brianmpei says:

    Kate Winslet AND Shelley Perry have a thing for Jack Black? Now I know I’ve somehow wandered in to the Bizarro Universe!

  12. Josh says:

    haha well mom still married you so girls must like a bit a sense of humor.

  13. brianmpei says:

    Josh, you’ve got a point.

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  20. always i used to read smaller content which also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this
    paragraph which I am reading now.

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