Here’s the list. It follows a chronological order and I’m not giving away any last names in order to protect the innocent. I know it must shock many of you that there would have ever been any unrequited love in my life. Well, here’s the first five:
1. Debbie. My babysitter. I knew it was love when she painted her Barbie Car black and gave it me to be my Batmobile. I was 3.
2. Ann. The little red-haired girl. She gave me a ring as a sign we were going steady. On the way home from school I threw it down a storm drain to show my friends how cool I was. I still feel bad about that. I was 6. Years later she was in my Poli-Sci class my first year of Uni. She sat right behind me and had no idea who I was.
3. Laura. On the way by her desk I dropped a note that read, “Do you like me: ___yes, ___no please check one.” She laughed out loud at me and at recess she told her friends who all laughed at me. I was in grade 4 and swore off girls for 2 whole weeks after this.
4. Missy. She was the new girl at school so I thought I might have a chance. Plus she had long blonde hair, a cute nose and was painfully pretty. She would beat me up during recess and I figured any contact with a girl was good contact. Other boys started paying more attention to her and she stopped punching my arm. I was in grade 5 and it hurt more when the bruise finally faded.
5. Dianne. An “I don’t like you like that” friend who I felt pretty sure I would eventually sway with my relentless, meandering phone calls and desperate puppy dog pursuit. Eventually she moved to Chicago with her family, which I try not to take personally any more. No, she never got a restraining order. Grade 6 through grade 9 (However, I’ll confess to infidelity to that crush during my grades 7-9 years).