My Gifts & Talents

giftstalents.jpg Honestly, I try hard not to brag but the following list represents my special abilities. These are talents that a few others may possess but none work them to the degree to which I have excelled and achieve what I modestly call, Superstar status.

Here they are in no particular order:

1) Putting something where I’m certain I won’t forget it and then immediately forgetting where I put it. The truth is I’ve gotten so good at this that when I take something now and put it in a ‘special place’ for safe keeping, a memorable place where I can turn to at once and reclaim said ‘thing’, I’ve taken to just saying, “good-bye” when I put it away. I won’t bore you with the list of things I can’t find but the most amazing part of this talent, at least to me, is that I can permanently lose all sorts of things just within the 7X12 cubicle I inhabit most days. You could disassemble my cubicle, empty my desk, dump every box and bag and you will not find what I’m looking for. I’m that good. A derivation of this talent is my ability to choose unforgettable passwords for important websites, like my bank, and then not be able to recall the critical word or answer to the obscure ‘hint’ question that I chose specifically because it would be so memorable. I rule.

2) I will inevitably get lost when I am going somewhere to meet others. It doesn’t matter if I was just there yesterday. If you give me specific directions it will only increase not only the duration of my lostness but also the distance I will be lost from my intended destination. This gift specifically operates when I am on my way to meet others. If I have no time constraint and no one waiting for me I typically arrive early. The elusive Donna has learned to be an expert navigator by necessity.

3) I can and will find the hardest possible way to do something. It doesn’t matter what the job is, I will find the hardest way to accomplish the project. It usually will involve some type of MacGyvered tools or contraptions. (What a great word, contraption…) Times that this has produced the most fear induced nervous laughter among my family includes putting up the Christmas tree, setting up 2 tents at our Nova Scotia camp site in the dark, anytime I say these 11 words: “We don’t need to hire someone, I can do it myself.”, cooking a meal (the elusive Donna: “and you needed this pan because?” me: “well, I needed that one to keep the extra bacon grease in after I filled up all our coffee mugs with the other bacon grease…” the elusive Donna: “and we have no spoons left that are clean because? me: well, I dropped one down the sink drain and then dropped another one down it trying to get it out and one fell in the garbage when I was scraping the pancakes I burned off the bottom of the sauce pan…” the elusive: “And you were using the sauce pan to cook pancakes because?” me: “Well, and I think you’ll find this amusing, the non-stick frying pan was actually too sticky after I had a little mishap with the syrup bottle…).

4) I can carry 14 full plastic grocery bags into the house by myself at one time.
Sure, the bread may suffer and pray for the eggs but come on, it’s 14 bags! By myself! At one time!

Any hidden talents you can share?


About brianmpei

Stumbling towards what comes next.
This entry was posted in Confession, Life, Lists, Rambling, Talent. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to My Gifts & Talents

  1. Nancy says:

    There is a saying, “The fruit/nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.” All your talents have been inherited, either from your dad and his family or from your mom and her clan. They all sound perfectly normal to me. And, with age your talents will increase.
    1. You will repeat yourself often, You will repeat yourself often.
    2. Find things that you remember putting away, but can’t remember why you had it in the first place.
    3. Have a whole 10 minute conversation with someone and can’t remember their names until 3:00 a.m. in the middle of a peaceful nights sleep.
    4. At our house we haven’t had bread that hasn’t been smashed in years.

    We are all so human.

  2. brianmpei says:

    This is what I’ve been telling my therapist. Thanks for the confirmation!

  3. shelleyperry says:

    i am also mastering the grocery bag thing…i am not up to 14 but i hope to someday get there. The learning process has been messy but i’m determined. I hate making more than one trip.
    Other things I rock at?
    1. spilling coffee on myself. every day. every single day. without fail. I don’t know why my parents ever graduated me from a sippy cup.
    2. leaving my stuff behind–but you know that well. The thing that is funny is that my roommate is the same…only about 100 times worse. So i feel really really responsible now which is an ego booster.
    3. losing important documents (only the important ones)
    4. video games–few people know this because i try to keep it a secret. But i like computer/video games and I will play until i’m good in a sort of obsessive way. that’s my really nerdy side coming through.
    5. opening bottles without a bottle opener. I am REALLY good at this and also very proud of my talent.

  4. brianmpei says:

    Nice list, thanks for playing Shelley. I definitely know about #2, glad you have found someone who out shines you in that area. #4 surprises me. #5, um, those are called twist off caps now Shell. Nice though, good going! 😉

  5. sweetlybroken says:

    1. I can forget someone’s name faster than they can spell it and repeating it to me real quick does not help.

    2. I can get more lost than anyone I know going the shortest distance possible. On a trip to Alberta my only task in the a.m. was to get us heading west, I failed and we had to turn around. I now have a TomTom and resist the urge to argue with it. North, south, east, west, I know they’re all out there just not where specifically.

    3. I can scare people simply by holding a Red Bull in my hand!

    I would have loved to see the tent pitching, I doubt very much that the stories really do it justice.

  6. brianmpei says:

    Sweetly, don’t pretend my talent with the tent hasn’t amused you already. and #3 does scare me. very much.

  7. BrianD says:

    1. I have a unique ability to do a task repeatedly, then one day just sit there and totally forget the steps of the task. I usually remember before I have to embarrass myself by asking, but it is a frustrating talent.

    2. I agree with ShelleyPerry’s #1. I don’t spill my coffee every day, but it does add another element to waking you up in the morning. It isn’t just the caffeine, the scold factor has the ability to rub the sleep from your eyes without needing the aid of your hand.

    3. I have the ability to get better with age. I was a decent baseball player when I was young, but as I have gotten older, I got much better when I was young.

  8. brianmpei says:

    Nice BrianD, especially #3. I think I’ve got that in a few different areas.

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