Honestly, I try hard not to brag but the following list represents my special abilities. These are talents that a few others may possess but none work them to the degree to which I have excelled and achieve what I modestly call, Superstar status.
Here they are in no particular order:
1) Putting something where I’m certain I won’t forget it and then immediately forgetting where I put it. The truth is I’ve gotten so good at this that when I take something now and put it in a ‘special place’ for safe keeping, a memorable place where I can turn to at once and reclaim said ‘thing’, I’ve taken to just saying, “good-bye” when I put it away. I won’t bore you with the list of things I can’t find but the most amazing part of this talent, at least to me, is that I can permanently lose all sorts of things just within the 7X12 cubicle I inhabit most days. You could disassemble my cubicle, empty my desk, dump every box and bag and you will not find what I’m looking for. I’m that good. A derivation of this talent is my ability to choose unforgettable passwords for important websites, like my bank, and then not be able to recall the critical word or answer to the obscure ‘hint’ question that I chose specifically because it would be so memorable. I rule.
2) I will inevitably get lost when I am going somewhere to meet others. It doesn’t matter if I was just there yesterday. If you give me specific directions it will only increase not only the duration of my lostness but also the distance I will be lost from my intended destination. This gift specifically operates when I am on my way to meet others. If I have no time constraint and no one waiting for me I typically arrive early. The elusive Donna has learned to be an expert navigator by necessity.
3) I can and will find the hardest possible way to do something. It doesn’t matter what the job is, I will find the hardest way to accomplish the project. It usually will involve some type of MacGyvered tools or contraptions. (What a great word, contraption…) Times that this has produced the most fear induced nervous laughter among my family includes putting up the Christmas tree, setting up 2 tents at our Nova Scotia camp site in the dark, anytime I say these 11 words: “We don’t need to hire someone, I can do it myself.”, cooking a meal (the elusive Donna: “and you needed this pan because?” me: “well, I needed that one to keep the extra bacon grease in after I filled up all our coffee mugs with the other bacon grease…” the elusive Donna: “and we have no spoons left that are clean because? me: well, I dropped one down the sink drain and then dropped another one down it trying to get it out and one fell in the garbage when I was scraping the pancakes I burned off the bottom of the sauce pan…” the elusive: “And you were using the sauce pan to cook pancakes because?” me: “Well, and I think you’ll find this amusing, the non-stick frying pan was actually too sticky after I had a little mishap with the syrup bottle…).
4) I can carry 14 full plastic grocery bags into the house by myself at one time.
Sure, the bread may suffer and pray for the eggs but come on, it’s 14 bags! By myself! At one time!
Any hidden talents you can share?