The Horns of My Dilemma

chargingbull.jpg I miss writing here at Cracked. I honestly didn’t think I would. In my daytime gig I get a fair amount of creating done. At the very least, I get a great deal of “copying and modifying the work of others so as to appear an original thinker” done. Unplugging from my virtual, blank, white pages sounded like a lovely idea but it’s not working out that way. The truth is I’m addicted to this more than I thought I was. If I was a writer I think I could be content to sit and write for long stretches of the day for many days at a time. Not being independently wealthy and holding down a day time (and sometimes night time) gig that I love I don’t have the space to write like I might. That’s not me groaning, just me thinking about it out loud.

Or in print, I suppose.

I find myself stuck with a bunch of ideas that land on me all week, memories, reflections, thoughts worth contemplation. Inevitably I keep saying to myself, “Ah! Write about that on Friday…” The list grows and when Friday comes I just stare at the list and like the mosquito in the nudist colony I just can’t figure out where to start. Which leads me to the sad state where I end up blogging about blogging. Or I do a little, “Here’s what happened to me this week….” entry which is ALWAYS boring.

So as long as you all promise not to tell the Elusive (who never told me to stop to begin with) I’m going to post more regularly. I’m also working on some longer stuff and I have no idea where it will lead. I’ve talked long and hard with the Elusive about writing a book (she says I should) and we go ‘round and ‘round (I say I have nothing to write a book about) and I keep coming back to things too long for normal blog posts but some that’s just right like the little bear’s porridge. I don’t want to write a Christian book. Anyone who has ever been in a Christian bookstore knows what I mean. These are not normal books. I don’t mean to show disrespect any Christian book writers, hey, you’ve written a book, not me, but I find them, at least 90% of them, the sad memorial to a tree’s life. Mostly they’re like the old Billy Graham Evangelistic movies that they show at church where 98% of the movie is about a father and son on an outdoor hiking and canoeing adventure that almost ends in tragedy but brings the two closer together than they’ve ever been and then in a sudden, jolting and disconcerting conclusion the father and son wander into a convention centre beside the car rental place where they’ve just returned the jeep they rented for their adventure and both of them run to the front just at the last second to ask Jesus into their hearts as Billy leads them in a prayer from the stage.

Not going there.

I find real life far more fascinating and the pulse of the eternal seems to always be beating just under the surface if we slow down, take a breath and live in this moment we find ourselves in.

And that’s what I’m thinking about today. How about you?


About brianmpei

Stumbling towards what comes next.
This entry was posted in blogging, Confession, Lists, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to The Horns of My Dilemma

  1. let’s think about this logically…
    1. you have been going on and on all year about how much you love writing on C.V.
    2. you kept mentioning how much you have learned and how much you will miss writing on C.V. when December came
    3. you want to quit your job so you can just write all the time
    4. you like telling stories
    5. people like reading your stories.

    the questions I have are these:
    1. why did you think you honestly wouldn’t miss writing on CV?
    2. why w0uldn’t you start a book?…worst case scenario: no one publishes it then what? Well you’ve been spending time doing something that you love and that gives you life so how is that bad?
    3.what are you waiting for?

  2. sweetlybroken says:

    We each live a life where stuff gets stuck to the bottom of our shoes, if you can find a place that coats you inTeflon….go there…..stay there…..for as long as you can, give up sleep if you have to. Oddly I find myself cyber stalking you, I’ll come in later next week for some prayer for that. 😀
    You are brilliant in so many ways and your “blogging” allows us all to a have a look see behind the skin. Thanks for always being so you and thinking/living out loud.
    Oh, what am I thinking…..I need to re-evaluate my coffee decrease.

  3. brianmpei says:

    Thanks Sweetly. I’d like to think I’m always me but somedays I think I’ve slipped someone else’s skin on.

    I would definitely reconsider the coffee decrease…

  4. brianmpei says:

    Shelley. Answers to your questions.

    1. I really thought I’d love more days of not forcing myself to overcome the blankness of my virtual pages than days of fighting it. I am, by nature, excessively lazy.
    2. I’m not sure what I would write about. AND if no one publishes it I’m not sure I see the point. I already know my stories and I entertain myself for hours day dreaming. Why would I write it for someone else only to be rejected and told it’s crap and end up like Mr. Tanner (obscure Harry Chapin reference).
    3. Insight into how to have a full-time gig, raise a family that i pay attention to AND do more writing all at the same time.

    Thanks for asking. Oh, and what’s that expression about pots and kettles?

  5. shellie says:

    I see no dilemma here. Write. Write your nice thought-starters here. When they stretch on for days, start to cut and paste them into a separate place to compile for a book. All books aren’t the size of a Tolkien trilogy… some are quite thin actually! Just write.

    But don’t give up your day job yet! (Sorry. The wife in me had to say it! 😉 )

  6. Luker says:

    Mr. Anne Land, we just may be kindred spirits! Your musical references over the past half year or so, since my introduction to your insightful ramblings, have made me feel quite at home. This most recent mention has confirmed what I really already thought true..our multi-disc changers are loaded with the same albums.

  7. brianmpei says:

    Thanks Lurker Luker. That’s a good idea for a post this week, what’s in my iTunes heavy rotation list…thanks for keeping CV tuned in!

  8. Lurker says:

    Darn Fingers…note correction please.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s