I’m sitting here listening to the wind roar around outside, I’m sipping coffee, enjoying a day of “down time”. I was right in the middle of a movie this a.m. when it occurred to me that lately rather than leading a life I’ve been getting pushed around by it. It would probably be more true to say that I’ve been letting it push me around. 60 seconds before that revelation if you’d walked in the room and told me that, I would’ve argued with you.
I took a course once that included an entire section on creativity. The instructor spent a couple days talking about “creativity killers”. Our class came up with a list. Along with that “generic” list I came up with my own personal list, things that are killers for me that may not be such a big deal for others.
Following my little revelation this a.m. I asked for some specifics and it was like having a curtain get pulled back. Amazing. All the answers, insights, info, whatever you want to call it that the Spirit was ready to tell me whenever I was finally ready to listen.
I definitely prefer leading a life than getting pushed around. Sometimes stuff happens and I’m o.k. with that. I’ve slipped into “survival mode”, it’s happened before and it will likely happen again.
When my daughter Em was born with cleft lip and palate everything became a challenge and I have a complete section of my life from when she was a newborn to her first birthday where I have very little memory of anything that happened then other than feeding her (which was an extreme experience), her first surgery and highlights from my own struggles with an ulcer doing that time. That was a long season of getting pushed around.
I can’t really change the stuff that pushes me but I can definitely react differently and make choices about what I’m going to do next.
Things that I’m letting push me around at the moment…
1) Serious health issues of a close family member.
2) My perception of the hole we’ve dug as the Church in N. America.
3) Finances, or lack thereof, as compared to what I want vs. the 98% of the world that I’m ridiculously wealthy when compared to.
4) Realizing I’m working at the last job I’ll ever have and worries that I’m not doing it right.
5) The stories of friends in ministry who are getting emotionally, mentally and spiritually beat up on regularly by the system.
6) Feeling like crap with this stupid cold/flu/allergy whatever.
7) Wanting to have more time with people I really enjoy than I can find ways to make it happen.
I know the “paralysis of analysis” is a struggle for me and the key, I think, isn’t to dwell on this revelation but to actually start to do the things that will bring life and creativity back – and stop the the little killers.
What kills your creativity?