Amends

A few months ago I had the opportunity to make amends with someone who I had hurt a long, long time ago.

Amends is an important part of the life I’ve chosen to live. Frankly, talk is cheap and ‘belief’ is even cheaper. Taking action based on the things I believe are true about life, the universe and everything is the only thing that separates my belief from a fantasy.

Let me be really specific, taking action that is other-based rather than self-based.

So the world went spinning around and brought me back to a moment, like it does, where I could do something to make amends for a time I did somebody wrong. Very country western songish kind of stuff.

I reach out to offer some measure of apology and to own up to the wrongs I’d done. Over 25 years of water had run under the bridge. 25 + years of a recurring fantasy/nightmare of this person I’d wronged suddenly appearing in present time and space to even the score, gun in hand. And I deserved it. That’s what fueled the thing, deep down I knew I had it coming.

So with fear and uncertainty I seized the carpe freakin’ diem.

I had this fantasy that I would make my confession, my apology, I’d ask for mercy and forgiveness, there’d be tears and understanding and some kind of cathartic moment.

And ran into a stone wall.

This person I had wronged over 25 years ago and feared for a quarter century wasn’t having it.

The weird thing is I haven’t had a single replay of that old nightmare. My little effort that went nowhere has somehow let me off the hook. Imagine if I’d just done that last year or five years ago or 10 years ago or even 20 years ago.

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About brianmpei

Stumbling towards what comes next.
This entry was posted in Christianity, Confession, denial, getting old, Life, Reflective. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Amends

  1. Michelle says:

    I have a few amends to make in the not-so-distant future. The thought of it makes me a little sick. I try to avoid looking ahead. Right now I’m working on a moral inventory which is yucky enough.

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