I’m on holidays right now. Originally we planned to be in the States visiting family and taking a longer than usual holiday. Last summer our holidays were derailed by the illness of a family member. This summer plans were derailed by my own illness. And while I’m getting better in some ways I’m also becoming aware that I’ve got some issues.
One of the doctors I’ve seen recently asked me if I had a stressful job. To be honest, 3 doctors I’ve seen recently asked me that question. The first doctor who asked was answered, “Not really.” A week into my holiday/rest time and I can now safely say that was not true. I’m realizing that I’ve moved the bar for “normal” so far that I’ve failed to see the obvious. Denial is a powerful thing.
I’m writing this now, in part, because of a dream I just woke up from.
Supposedly, or at least I’ve heard and read that we only dream briefly in the seconds before we wake up. I’ve been told that our dreams aren’t really long but are actually brief and come in bursts that only seem like long, full experiences. I’ve got no evidence other than my own experience and my own experience tells me that’s just not so. The dream I just woke up from seemed to stretch on for the better part of the night.
In my dream I was living right where I am, doing what I do, only slight changes to my real world geography inside the dreamscape. The key change to my dream was that rather than working a job I was working 3 jobs. I was doing my main gig plus two part-time jobs that were really full-time in expectation. I ultimately woke up when, in the midst of my dream, I realized that I’d missed a very important appointment with one of my part-time jobs because I forgot what night I was on as I ran to pick up one of my kids from a sports program and prep for the next day of work at my other part-time job. Too late I realized I was supposed to be at a special event and meeting with my other part-time job. In my dream I was just about to face one of my bosses to try to explain myself and hopefully keep the job.
Two things. One, I wasn’t working 3 jobs in my dream to get rich or because of the money. I was working to work. Second, I woke up literally distraught over the situation, chastising myself for missing the appointment and though now awake and realizing it was a dream I was completely stressed out over it. I was upset with myself that I could be that irresponsible even in a dream.
I’ve got issues.